It’s the fourth of July and I am as sick of BBQ specials on Food Network now as I will be of seeing Turkey and dressing in November.

Don’t get me wrong, I love BBQ, I love Turkey and dressing.  I just get a little overwhelmed when the entire food community rallies around one style of food or ingredient for weeks on end.  Yesterday Bobby Flay was making a smoked brisket on my TV as I was milling around the house getting ready to go shopping.  I was nothing short of irritated.  Who decided that it’s July 4th and therefore we will BBQ (or grilled meats for you purists)?  There are so many foods that typify America (sorry Canada, I know I should say “The United States” but it just didn’t work in this context).  How did BBQ become the symbol of July 4 and Fathers Day?  It’s almost as if you are not celebrating if you eat food that was not grilled.

This year we decided on a better plan for our food celebration of our nation’s holiday; we ate internationally.  I kicked off our long weekend with the best beef bourguignon I’ve ever made (Viva la France! And thank you for the Statue of Liberty).  The next night I embraced local St. Louis tradition by serving a pork steak* rubbed with Rendevzous Dry Rub along with a grilled Portobello mushroom marinated in Italian dressing and home-made potato salad (pretty traditional Americana).

*Pork steak is cut from the shoulder of the pork just like a butt roast, but it’s sliced to about an inch thick and cooks up nicely on the grill some people choose to marinate and slow cook them but we grilled it just like a beef-steak and it was the bomb.

Yesterday afternoon I made a plate of baguettes, French Brie, fresh figs, prosciutto & mortadella  (from our local butcher shop Valenti’s) that we enjoyed with a locally brewed IPA.

Last night we celebrated the holiday by going to a local Mexican restaurant (Ole!).  While we picked Mexican food last; within a few minutes of our house we could have selected Chinese, French, Thai, Sushi, Polish, German, Italian and of course, smoke house BBQ.  That’s my take on what’s great in this country.  You don’t have to be French to make beautiful  macrons — you just have to love and respect the food (My macaron link takes you to Eat Live Travel Write by Mardi who is is an Australian blogger who lived in and loves Paris and now calls Toronto home — LOVE IT).  In the United States we are fortunate enough to have access to almost any food ingredient known to man.  Even produce that we can’t grow here.  To this eater/writer, that is cause for celebration!

That said, It is my sincere hope that the weather will cooperate and I can go to our small town festival and eat some BBQ, Corn Dogs, Funnel Cakes and perhaps enjoy a beer or two!

Happy Forth of July!  Be safe!

P.S.  I’m not compensated by Rendezvous or Valenti’s.  I just like to share my favorites with others.

My life turned upside-down in December.  Out of the blue, I found a job opportunity with a great company that is doing exciting things in solar energy.  The thing is, I had to relocate from Orlando to St. Louis.  My first day at my new company was January 31.  This probably doesn’t mean much to anyone who doesn’t live in St. Louis, but that was the day a “historic” blizzard hit town.  I’ve lived in California and Florida.  Snow and I don’t know how to deal with each other.  For me, this was nothing short of traumatic.

The other half of the trama was that my husband stayed in Celebration so his son could finish out his senior year of high school.  So I was in the snow, alone and without my treaure trove of kitchen toys.  I didn’t cook much and therefore the blog fell off my to do list.

What I did do was eat out.   And I have some thought I’d like to share.  I’ve found lots of things to love.  But in keeping with my style, First let me get this rant off of my chest.  While researching my move, I became very excited to try St. Louis style pizza.  I’ve tried several versions and ….  I miss California pizzas.

Death to Provel

If you are a St. Louis native you know about Provel, and it’s likely that I’m going to offend you in my next sentence.   St. Louis style pizza is an insult to Italians, an insult to cheese, and insult to people with taste buds.  This is all because of Provel.  Pizza is a personal thing.  There are so many ways to make it and enjoy it that I had to think long and hard about declaring a method to be wrong.  Who am I to say that an entire style of pizza is wrong? I am the blogger! And if you come visit me we’ll have lots of good food but I will not allow a guest of mine to be subjected to St. Louis style pizza.

For the lucky uninitiated reader, there are really two things that define St. Louis style pizza.  A thin crust and provel cheese.  I can accept thin crust though some of the versions I’ve had are so thin that they are almost like a tortilla.  At that point it’s no longer a pizza, it’s a distant cousin.  I prefer a thicker crust, not NY style and absolutely not Chicago style but thicker than a classic neapolitan crust.

If the crust were the only differentiator, I’d probably decide that St. Louis pizza and I aren’t friends, but I wouldn’t declare open blogger warfare.  Unfortunately the creators of St. Louis style pizza weren’t content with just ruining the crust, they also felt it necessary to mess with the cheese.  This is where it gets ugly.  Why would any rational human being swap out the delicious stringy milky goodness of mozzarella for a processed cheese?  Seriously, were they mad (you can read that as angry or insane, both definitions apply)?

Provel is to cheese as a hotdog is to sausage.  It pretends to be in the same family, but one quickly realizes that all of the quality has been stripped out and the only resemblance is visual.  Provel is a processed cheese made with cheddar, swiss and provolone.  It’s specific to this region and the name Provel is a trademark owned by Kraft.   Wikipedia pretty much sums it up by saying that “like all processed cheeses, it’s legally allowed to be calledcheese.  You can buy it in the grocery store, typically in the deli section next to exotic cheeses, it typically comes in a plastic tub and is extruded.  You can’t call it grated, it looks like a long wad of spaghetti noodles.  It clumps together.  It melts over the top of the pizza like an oil slick and feels like one in your mouth.  I’m pretty sure if you tried to feed this to Nona from the old country she’d slap you silly.  Provel is all that is wrong with the US food chain.  It’s not food, it’s cheap mass produced nutritionally devoid garbage.

People from St. Louis LOVE their pizza.  And I’m happy for them.  The comfort of food is as much about a memory as a taste.  But as for me, I think I’ll be making my pizza as long as I live here.

I (as you probably are too) am an advocate of cooking at home using the least processed ingredients possible.  I am not 100% organic, but I try.   Except for the rare indulgence (the blue box mac and cheese that reminds me of college) I don’t eat pre-packaged foods.

In the United States since the invention of convenience food in the 1950′s we’ve become addicted if you will to pre-made food.  We don’t focus on quality, we focus on speed and volume.  If you can buy a 9 inch pie for $3.00 at the bakery why not buy the 18 inch pie at Costco for $3.50, never-mind that five people have no business having a 16 inch pie to themselves.  We no longer even bother to set our microwaves!  We are so lazy we use buttons labeled “soup,” “popcorn,” “baked potato,” or my favorite “sauce.”   Exactly how does my microwave know what kind of sauce I have and how I want it heated?

Freezer items don’t push quality as the first attribute, it’s speed of cooking time followed by how many you can buy for $4.  There’s a shelf-stable, microwaveable, lunch pasta product on the market that dares to use the word “Fresh” in the title.  Exactly what is “fresh” about canned sauce with canned meat in it (which is probably pretty close to cat food in quality).

We wonder why obesity is an epidemic when our grandmothers cooked everything they could in bacon fat while drinking like fish.  Yes it’s because we sit in cars and at desks more than we stand up.  Yes, it’s because we have to go get on a machine to walk because we are so lazy.  But it’s primarily because we don’t’ cook.  We are a nation of fat malnourished people. Roughly 35% of Americans are obese, 60% are overweight and 95% are malnourished.

This is caused by the garbage we put in our bodies; fast food, gummy fruit flavored “healthy” snacks; vitamin enriched water and mass farmed produce.  How did I start this rant you may wonder?  It all started with an article about Paris Chefs cooking in the subway because they want more Parisians to cook 4 star at home.  We can’t even get people to roast a chicken on Sunday.  How sad is that?

Kale Encompassed Meatloaf

Luckily, It’s been a while since I had one of those meals that I looked forward to with great anticipation only to feel let down.  Because in this blog I promised to write about the good the bad and the ugly; I feel compelled to share this experience.  I think this was just the “boring.”  And to be honest, I think it was my fault (kind of).

As you may already know, I grew up in a house where at least 3 nights a week we ate at an establishment that featured a drive through and  a cartoon character spokesperson.  I have odd food memories like I remember in high school making burgers at a friend’s house and she used real cheddar cheese (as opposed to individual wrapped slices of american cheese food), I was stunned that you could do that!  Useing the cheese food wasn’t mandatory!

The first time I had kale, was also the first time I had a crab cake (I’m telling you — sheltered life).  I was in my early 20′s, had my first real job, and I was treating myself to drinks and appetizers at a fancy place.  The crab cakes were served on this hearty peppery green (obviously kale)  I was obsessed.  I didn’t yet cook well, but I made it a point to seek out kale and even cook it at home. Somewhere along the way I forgot about Kale.  I think it was when I moved to Orlando from California and my access to quality produce was swiftly curtailed.

Last month I saw an article about Kale written by Molly Wizenberg in Bon Appetite. Molly, unlike me, originally had an aversion to Kale until a friend cooked it for her.  She writes so well that I could taste it and I had to have it!  I looked around my local supermarkets and farmer’s markets for leaf kale.  All I could find was bagged pre-cut kale.  Which isn’t innately bad, it just meant I couldn’t’ remove the stems. (the lack of good produce is the part that makes it only partially my fault)

I relented, I bought the bagged kale and tried to recreate the crispy lemon finished kale Molly described.  But because I couldn’t get rid of the stems I had tough chewy greens that I meanly made my family eat and begrudgingly choked down myself .  This was not the flavor or texture I had anticipated.

You can substitute ingredients, but not quality.  I will make kale again, but not until I find big leaves of it and I can remove the stems (which reminded me of shoestrings)

At least it looked like a balanced meal on the plate.  (that’s a bacon wrapped meatloaf as the centerpiece — I figured what the heck — all those healthy greens, we deserve some bacon!)

Hopefully next time I write — I’ll have a happy ending!

Until then, I’ll drown my sorrows in some Seven Artisans Meritage (waiting for my shipment to arrive!)

Cheers!

I am compelled to shoot off a quick post because I’m so shocked that this is news. I just read an article about Energy Bars not being real food. I believe I’ve said this in the past.

Does anybody else remember watching Willy Wonka and thinking the concept of dinner in a ball of gum was silly? How is an energy bar any different?

I completely understand occasionally consuming them because you are in a hurry or you are exercising vigorously and need additional calories, but I see people try to use them as regular meal replacements.

Guess what — Eat your vegetables just like grandma said. Turns out a highly respected nutrition expert says they aren’t food — so suddenly I’m right. I’m just a highly respected rant and raver!

Once in a while have a bar, but eat real food too please!

Inspired by a post titled “10 Things a Chef won’t Tell you” I just read on Chef Gui’s blog; I thought I’d write an open letter to restaurant owners, there are things your customer isn’t telling you….  Do you care?  One caveat, all of this assumes that your kitchen is in order and your food is good. 

1) We want to Love you — Help us.    I enter a new restaurant really hoping to find a place that I love and want to tell my friends about.  I want to like your restaurant, I don’t want to complain about it.  Help me love you by  not assuming that I’m going to be a pain in the ass (or treating me as such).  I’ve walked into restaurants only to be told three times between the hostess stand and the table what time the kitchen closes (If you are that eager to get out then don’t seat me).  Many times  I’ve been approached by the server with tales of woe about how busy they are (before the hello can I get you something to drink).  Keep the bad day in the back of the house.  It seems really simple, but if you make me feel welcome, even if the food is so-so — I’ll keep coming back.

2) Bad service will overpower amazing food.   I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had a good meal and bad service.  I’ve gone back and still had bad service.  What I remember is not the food, but the service (or lack thereof).  If your front of the house staff is poorly trained you can have Gordon F-ing Ramsay in the back and people still won’t come back.  Train your staff.  As a bonus, here are the 10 things I that make me happy:

1. Say hello and smile when I walk in the door
2. If there’s a wait, don’t look at the board and act like you are reconfiguring a sattelight, just tell me that you think I’ll be waiting XX  minutes let me know I  can  wait in the bar (then please come get me in the bar, I’ve also been sent to the bar and forgotten leaving me drunk, but still hungry).
3. Hostesses: TELL THE SERVER YOU SAT THEIR STATION – this is big, I don’t mind waiting for a table, I do mind sitting for 30 minutes at the table watching servers run around like mad without acknowledging my party.
4. Take my drink order please! But don’t run away like you are afraid I may order an appetizer — If Ijust waited 45 minutes for a table then I’m probably pretty hungry and likely a little edgy.  And as a bonus, the extra two minutes at the table saves you an extra trip while increasing the check and tip.
5. Teach your staff to open wine bottles.  Let me say this again.  Teach your staff to open wine bottles!  Do not let them on the floor until they can demonstrate this skill.  You have house wine that has to be opened every night — this is the perfect teaching opportunity.  I’ve seen it all, bottles under the arm, between the legs, put on the floor.  Do you really want to drink from a bottle that was just between a stranger’s legs? Please save me from this.
6. Have a staff tasting.  I know food costs are high, margins are low but when I ask what something is like and the waiter says they don’t know because they can’t afford to eat where they work; I have to assume the owner is one cheap bastard.  If your staff knows that your $32 steak is hand aged, grass fed and melts in my mouth oh yeah and the chef makes his own sauce – I’m not just sold, I’m excited.  If I’m left to wonder I will probably pick a safe moderately priced choice.  You also have to teach them how to describe a menu item.  Gone are the days of professional wait staff in all but the finest of restaurants.  Chances are you are hiring people that have never eaten at a restaurant as expensive as yours — you have to teach them what the diners expect and how to entice diners to order more.
7. If you are out of something that’s fine, but tell me before I get my heart set on it
8. Here’s a big one that’s going to be hard to swallow.  If I ask the waiter how something is and they say “it’s not one of our more popular items, you may want to consider X; ” I LOVE THEM.  Honesty is amazing.  They  just saved me from eating a meal they don’t think I’ll enjoy.  And they saved the kitchen from the hassel of me sending it back.  This kind of honesty creates loyalty and usually increases the tip.
9. DO NOT auction off my food.  If you use runners then train the staff to know where to put the plates and make sure they know anything we may have asked for (extra condiments for example) is put on the table.  A meal can be ruined getting cold waiting for a sauce or seasoning.
10. At the end of my meal, drop the check off, refill my coffee let me know you aren’t rushing me (because you aren’t right?).  THEN DO NOT FORGET ME.

3) It doesn’t matter how casual your restaurant is, I never want to sit with the server.  The only exception is if we are regulars, we know about your life and we talk about more than where the fish came from.  The dinner table is a very private place.  Offering to share a meal or your table (even if said table is in a restaurant) with someone is an intimate gesture.  Please don’t assume that because your server’s are attractive and friendly I want them at my table.  I don’t.  This is the kind of action that makes it unlikely I’ll be back.  And if they choose to slide into a bench with me I may leave before I order.  I don’t know who started this practice but it’s not friendly, it’s just rude.

4) If you have a wine list, have a wine expert.  This doesn’t mean you need a master of wine but if I ask for a recommendation and the waiter doesn’t ask any quesitons about my preference and simply goes for one of the most expensive bottles on the list I know he’s an ass.  Just have someone that can come to the table and help us make a choice we’d like.

5) Store your wine properly.  Wine does not belong on a shelf over the hot air exhaust fan.  If you don’t have a fancy cellar that’s OK, I don’t always expect that, but red wine is to be served at about 55 degrees which is not room temperature (especially not the room temperature of a hot kitchen).  If your wine is in a hot area, then you are ruining it and I don’t want to drink it.  Please put it in a cool place.

6) Have a decent house wine. Decent doesn’t mean expensive, it means drinkable.  Barefoot or Yellow Tail is not decent;  wine out of a box is not decent;  I’m sorry it’s just not.  If you don’t personally like wine, then have someone help you.  Your house wine shouldn’t taste like any of the following: chemicals, alchohol, tannin, sour grapes, rotten fruit or monkey’s ass.

7) Enough with the giant portions. I like to order several things.  I like an appetizer, soup, entree, dessert etc.  I’m usually trying to narrow my choices but I almost never order dessert because the portions are so huge that between my husband and I we can’t finish a shared appetizer and entree let alone add a dessert.  I’m not suggesting diet plates or micro portions; but seriously who can eat a half a chicken comfortably?  One pound of pasta is not a reasonable portion.  You are losing money on the food thrown out and the dessert I didn’t order.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY– Offer a couple of simple straightforward dishes. There’s always someone in the crowd that wants an extra well no sauce unseasond super dry chicken breast chip, but that’s not who I’m talking about.  They can’t taste anything anyway, so forget them.  There’s also always someone in the crowd that wants a good meal but only wants three or four comfortable ingredients — they don’t want to eat octopus (even if they should, even if it’s your signature dish) They want good food made with ingredients they recognizes.  Give them an option.

9) Make your own damn soup — I’m getting a bit worked up.  But I make soup almost every day so I know it’s easy.  We won’t tell the others that soup is leftovers (what they don’t know won’t hurt them).  Soup is profit and soup should be good.  Soup should not be a line item on your Sysco bill.  I can’t tell you how often I have the conversation with other diners that they feel cheated on the soup menu.  Soup should be something your mom would recognize.  Soup is comfort food, make it comforting.

10) Diners with unruly children are ruining the experience for everyone else:  If your establishment is advertising kids birthday party specials, and “kid’s eat free Tuesday,” this doesn’t apply to you.  If you have a special Valentine’s day menu, it does.  Watching kids run around the restaurant under the legs of the servers or hearing them wail is ruining my meal — and it’s not just me.  We’ve all been trapped on a plane with an upset infant and know how miserable it is.  If my dining experience in your restaurant is paying $150 for a meal and being subjected to someone else’s brats I’m not coming back so I hope they do.  For some reason it is no longer common to expect children to behave.  You can tell as a server, hostess, manager or owner when someone is making your other diners miserable.  You need to step in.  I expect you to step in.  If I sat at my table throwing things or yelling at other patrons you would send me home (and you should).  Offer to pack thier meal to go, comp it and send them home (unless they are regulars then just suck it up).  But otherwise I’m guessing there are three or four tables around them that will cut their meal and bill short and not come back.

Chef Gui was right — I don’t want to be a chef.  I don’t want to cook in 120 degree kitchens, I don’t want to deal with the staffing issues or food cost or any of it.  I want to cook at home and cook like a chef for people I love.  And more and more of us can do that.  I don’t typically decide to go out to a restaurant because I didn’t want to cook.  I decide to go out because I want to be in the atmosphere of the restaurant, I love the chef’s signature dish or I want to try something new.   I go out because I want a special night.  The food is a huge part of delivering that, but the best food in the world can’t overpower a bad experience at the table or an uncomfortable atmosphere.

Next time you are at a cocktail party you can spirng this little bit of knowledge, buckwheat is actually not a grain but rather an herb related to rhubarb and sorrel.  Sharing this gem is sure to get someone to offer to get you another drink!

The article focused on 10 foods with healthbenefits — that buckwheat is included is no surprise, nor is the appearance of watercress, leeks, anchovies and strawberries. No Paula Dean, I’m sorry, but butter was not on the list.   But there were two foods that thrilled and surprised me:   whole milk and bacon!

Before you run off clicking your heals and yelling there’s no place like home — the key is in moderation.

Bacon

It turns out that 45% of the fat in bacon is monounsaturated (the kind that can help lower bad cholesterol) oleic acid, the same fat found in olive oil.  Bacon is so flavorful that a few strips go a long way in adding flavor to a dish.  Nobody here (especially not me) is suggesting that you go out and cook a pound of bacon a day.  What I am saying is that you shouldn’t fear bacon or use that gruesom turkey bacon (which we know is not bacon and I’m not convinced that it’s turkey).

Whole Milk

I remember reading an article many years ago that doctors were starting to ask women of childbearing age to drink full fat milk because many of the vitamins in milk are absorbed by the body through fat (A and D) and absorbing vitamin D helps absorb calcium.  Duane asserts in his article that studies monitoring women who ate one serving of whole milk or cheese a day gain less weight than women who did not.

I’m not suggesting anyone throw caution to the wind when it comes to fat consumption.  You may want to rethink any recipe that starts with two sticks of butter (unless it serves 24 people) and bacon should be a flavoring just like olive oil.

I am suggesting that the fear of unprocessed whole foods (fat being a prime example) has been overblown by the media.  I’m more afraid of the health implications of eating boxed   “potato flakes” than the whole milk and butter which would go in them to make mashed potatoes.  In countries where processed foods are kept to a minimum people enjoy natural fat and even some sugar with out the health implications we have in the US.  Eating unprocessed whole foods doesn’t take much longer to prepare, is often less expensive and provides your body the nutrition it needs.

Had I written this post yesterday I would have been brimming with confidence. But today is another day. Yesterday I put a meal on the table worthy of any restaurant, what I lack in food styling I own in flavor. Tonight, I assaulted pork chops in a manner so deplorable that I should be incarcerated.

I want to tell you about both of these meals. But my first post is going to be about my horrible desecration of a cut of meat that an animal graciously died for. (a cute animal I might add, I love pigs, if only they looked like a scorpion I would not eat them so what does that say about me? I only eat cute animals!)

There are so many cooking shows and blogs dedicated to marvelous menus; the adaptation of a recipe; the savoring of the meal; that it’s easy to be intimidated into thinking that if you can’t always deliver a perfect result, you can’t cook. I fondly remember the finale of Hell’s Kitchen Season 4, Christina yelling “perfect food every time” the entire episode. It quickly became my mantra, my standard for myself. I demand perfect food when I am paying someone else to cook for me. But the honest truth is that I can’t always deliver it (I would argue nobody can).

Bill, my DH and chief taste tester tells me I’m crazy, tonight’s meal was great — he dutifully had seconds. I’m convinced that act of kindness was only be to make me feel better.

Since you are following a Whineaux — may I suggest you go get a glass of wine now. This may be a mistake for my first blog post, but I’m on a roll and I have some things to say. I’ll wait for you to come back.

So, did you get red or white? For me, it’s almost always red — tonight we are enjoying a good but garden variety Cab Sav.

Back to the topic at hand:

Tonight started with big expectations. I had four beautiful bone-in pork chops waiting for me to dazzle them with my creative brilliance. The problem was, I’ve had a rotten day and my creativity wasn’t there. Suddenly, inspiration hit! I wanted to go “old school” memories of buttery, golden rice pilaf inspired my meal. We’d have the rice pilaf and I wanted to bred and fry the pork chops and make a Marsala and mushroom sauce.

I floured the pork chops (the flour was nicely seasoned with garlic powder, pepper, salt and some paprika) and let them rest. Then I started the pilaf. The smell of sauteed onion and garlic wafted through the kitchen. I was off to a good start.

Then, I heated a saute pan and dipped the pork chops in egg wash and then a second coating of breading, the secret to a good crispy coating. Anticipation flowed.

Once the oil heated, I cooked the pork chops in batches so not to crowd the pan and cool the oil (a carnal sin when frying). Then, I removed excess oil, and cooked some onions and mushrooms in the pan — I was working on a pan sauce. I deglazed with Marsala wine and then added some home made beef stock to the sauce. At the very end I hit it with a small dash of cream.

Doesn’t this sound good?

Sadly, it was a greasy mess. The pork chops were by far greasier than anything I’ve ever had in a diner, the sauce broke. The plate was so ugly that I refused to allow it to be photographed.

I sat at my plate and ate it wondering what I did wrong. I told my husband not to help with the dishes; I deserved punishment for what I did to the pork chops and I needed time to think. “What did I do, where did I go wrong?” I had all the right flavors, a great tasting (though UGLY sauce) why were they greasy?

Then it hit me. You can pan fry thin cutlets because they’ll cook quickly. I should have browned the chops and finished them in the oven. the reduced time in the oil would have kept them from getting greasy and the oven would have finished them evenly.

I tell you this story so you don’t repeat my mistake. Another day I’ll tell you about my perfect Ropa Vieja (It’s a Cuban Beef Stew). Tonight I wanted to tell you that sometimes dinner doesn’t turn out the way you envisioned it, but it’s OK, you’ll cook another day and it will be amazing.

I wish more people would talk about their disasters — we’d all learn more.

Until next time, don’t “whine” just “wine”.

P.S. I read this post to my DH and when I got to the part about him taking seconds, he gave me this inspiring quote; “That’s not true, I was starving. I would have eaten an old shoe!”